I Have Been Robbed

On: Missing Out

It all started with COVID. I was working in education and my husband was working in the service industry. I was so afraid of getting it and sharing it, because I was in the germ factory called school. Where kids carry and spread germs like you read about. He was in and out of people’s houses. Neither of us could afford to get the damn disease because our jobs would surely suffer. We didn’t want to share it with each other, and we certainly didn’t want to share it with our children. It was a scary and “unprecedented time” that lasted for two years. 

Now, I have a good immune system and rarely get sick no matter who is ill around me. Unfortunately, that makes me a bit of a carrier and my husband got the brunt of that too often. That is what made this time period so sad. We stopped kissing. We stopped sleeping close to one another. We kept our physical distance more often than I care to admit. That is not to say we stopped our loving relationship, but it put a big damper on our willingness to risk giving each other something that could further our chances of having to quarantine in our own house. Needless to say, I resent those years of COVID, because they took a toll on us. 

Then there was the year and a half of his emergency operations and recovery. Although we did our best to regroup and revive the good times together, it was not quite the same. It was a little bit of work. So, the times we spent together, we did more talking and hanging out on the porch and less time…. Well, you get the drift. And on top of it all the old Menopause started creeping in. That’s always a fun addition to dampening the mood. 

And then, when we thought it was time to regain our special bond….he was gone. 

This was the time in our life when we planned to hit the road and discover new places. Make new friends and reconnect with old ones. Time to be selfish with one another and forget about the kids and grandkids sometimes. Just be us! We earned it. We sacrificed all those married years for those of the children and even though we always made time for our relationship, it’s just not the same. And now, I am forced to face the fact that I was just plain robbed and I hate it. I am never going to be angry with him for leaving this life with me, but I am angry that the last three and a half years have been filled with more distance between us than I would like to admit. Of course, we loved each other through it all, but we had to make choices that were forced upon us by circumstances beyond our control.

So here I am, feeling like I am going to throw up because I can’t believe I am actually going to post this to the world. I hope I did not over share.