I’m Doing Well

Why do I feel guilty when people ask me how I’m doing and I say that I am doing well and that life is good? It feels like such a betrayal somehow to simply be ok. I know that this may sound silly, but it’s part of the winding and bumpy journey of grief.

I don’t walk around feeling sorry for myself. I haven’t stopped moving forward with my new company and my personal writing. I won’t shy away from tough conversations about difficult decisions. I can’t pretend that things are going to be the same as when Scott was alive or that our future plans haven’t changed dramatically.

So, what do I do…..? I take care of myself by exercising and gathering with friends and family often. I have great clients and have written another book with more on the horizon. I talk through my challenges with trusted confidants. I have an open heart and space for whatever a new relationship might now look like.

Overall, I would say that I am hanging in there, despite the fact that it feels strange at times. There are moments when it feels like I am impersonating someone else and I need to internally talk myself out of explaining my situation to strangers. I still worry about my kids, Scott’s family, and our friends. I am not sure how to be truly happy when my husband is gone, but I am confident that he would be proud of how all of us have handled his death. I move forward the best ways I know how, keep him in my heart and share his life through my words. I miss him every day, but I must make the most of my life, despite his absence, because I know that he would be so pissed if I just let my light go out.

How am I doing? I am well, thank you!