The time just keeps moving.
October 3, 2026 would have been our 34th wedding anniversary. We would have been together for 39 years. That’s what I am going to say to myself this coming Saturday. It’s a funny thing that the “counting” continues after someone is gone.
Why is that? Why do we keep track of how many years have gone by, how old they would be, how long we would have been together, or what would be happening if they were only here?
No matter what has happened since they left this earth, somehow, not recognizing the “would have been” dates and times seems like a betrayal. That if you don’t acknowledge them, the deceased will be upset somehow. Or is it simply the guilt of being the one that is here and alive and enjoying the day- while the one we love is not here with us to celebrate?
I don’t know the answer to this question. I know that honoring a loved one’s memory is what people will say is the reason, and I do not disagree. However, as a widow, I can’t help keeping track of the years that would have been and that is what makes me sad. It reminds me of how I was robbed. The moments and future memories that have been taken from me without my consent and quite frankly- it sucks!
No matter what I do to keep moving forward, the dates on the calendar always remind me of what COULD have been.
Last modified: September 29, 2026
